Grief Resource Center
Jill FitzGerald, LCSW
Jill FitzGerald, LCSW
Helping Others
        How To Help Me In My Grief

-Speak to me of the obvious.  I feel less alone when I know others remember.
-I need your warm caring more than "right words".  Just saying "I'm thinking of you", or "I'm here, writing a note, a phone call, or a hand on my shoulder.
-I know my sadness will last longer than either you or I want it to.
-Please let go of trying to fix my pain.
-Share your stories and memories.
-Offer to help with daily practical things.
-Please remember that we all grieve in our own way.
-If you are worried about how I'm doing it's okay to talk to me directly.
-Mostly, thank you, for your love and support.    Stay near until I can see the light again.

                                                                           -Marilyn Gryte, Grief Digest Magazine, Jan.2006
                 Remember:

-Cliches are rarely helpful; 
-Avoid saying "I know just how you feel" and divert to your own story.  That diminishes them and none of us truly know exactly how they feel.
-Do bring up the name of the person that died.   Grievers often welcome this and have strong fears their loved one will be forgotten.
-Refrain from saying "everything happens for a reason"...
-Avoid giving advice or trying to "fix"- if they want it they will ask for it.
-Educate yourself as much as possible about the grieving process in order to be knowledgeable about the factors that play a role in how a person grieves.
-Be aware that grief is work- it will be one of the hardest jobs ever done - be patient with your friend or family member!
-Invite them to share stories about their loved one, and offer your own story about what kind of "imprint" the person also had on you...
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